The Rules for Handymen

There are many things easier than finding a good HANDYMAN or even a mediocre handyman.  For instance, losing 50 lbs., winning the lottery, or finding a husband that is both rich and attractive, all a piece of cake in comparison.

No kidding, what is with these guys?

I think there must be a book called, “The Rules for Handymen.”

The Table of Contents would read:

  1.  Never give anything away for free-no one is going to buy the cow…
  2. When a prospect calls, always be the first to hang up.  Leave them wanting more.
  3. Never return a call immediately, don’t appear too eager.
  4. Better yet, leave a few calls unreturned.
  5. Say things like, “I sent you an email, didn’t you get it?”  You don’t want the prospect to think you are totally disinterested.
  6. When you do agree to a first meeting be a little late.  You want to appear busy and in demand.
  7. Brag a little about your past jobs, let the prospect know you are worth waiting for…
  8. Talk about your other clients, let the prospect know there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

Yeah, I think you are getting the picture…the handyman has you at his mercy.  He knows there is no way you are ever going to be able to hammer that stupid nail in without it getting all bendy.  He can sense that welding a power saw is one of your phobias.

Here are the mistakes you (OK I) make, thus letting the handyman know you are needy, really needy, verging on desperation.

  1.  You leave a thousand messages on his answering machine.
  2. You say, “I haven’t heard back from you, did you lose my number?”
  3. You cyberstalk his social media, trying to figure out what he has been up to, since he hasn’t been up to YOUR house.
  4. You complement his work, hoping that you will score points by showing admiration.
  5. You give him all of your contact numbers and emails; then include a few family and friends’ numbers that will always know where to find you.
  6. You call him.  He says, “I thought by now you probably found someone else.”  You assure him there is no one else.
  7. He says there are other jobs ahead of yours, but you are on the list.  You gush and express how happy you are to be included on his list (silently hoping it is a short list…that there really is a list…thinking of the list you are putting him on).
  8. You join Angie’s List hoping an online service will help you find what you are looking for…

Honestly, I did not even make this stuff up.  Like every single American woman, I fantasize about someday having my gutters replaced, windows repaired, leaky roof fixed…Someday, not today or tomorrow, but someday.

Don’t even get me started on my heat and air man…we definitely have a love/hate relationship.  I suspect he is a cat lover.

4 thoughts on “The Rules for Handymen”

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