In Your Face Cat Loving Handyman

So, I was thinking…is it really easier to lose 50 lbs. than to find a handyman?  Would it be easier for a woman to find a handyman if she lost 50 lbs.? Would men beg to repair my wood trim, if I were trim?

If I publically vow to lose 50 lbs. in front of the whole wide world, then the pressure is on…no turning back it has to happen.  Like Oprah, she bought stock in Weight Watchers, she’s on TV talking about this is her year – she is going to lose weight.  SHE HAS TO DO THIS OR DISAPPEAR FOREVER.  Imagine a world without Oprah.

I particularly like the commercial where she says, “I’m on Weight Watchers and I eat bread everyday.”  First off, high five Oprah, you and I the only two women in America eating gluten.  Hey, good thing she bought stock in Weight Watchers instead of Sarah Lee.  Secondly, she knows when she says bread, we picture a big yeasty hot roll with butter oozing out the sides. (yes, sign us up)  Forget about it, she is talking about a piece of dry toast with a crappy hard boiled egg on top.  Unless her whole meal is the hot roll and some zero point lettuce. I know all about point penalties for the good stuff.

Yep, I did Weight Watchers.  It does work.  But I need cookies.  For example you eat a 100 calorie cookie on a 1200 calorie diet, that is 1/12 of your food for the day.  You eat a cookie on WW, that will set you back about 1/5 of your food allowance for the day.  I NEED COOKIES!!!! Cookies make me happy.  Points- WW’s subtle way of saying you are on a diet, what the heck are you doing eating an Oreo, eat a 0 point apple.

Maybe, I need to abstain from cookies.  Perhaps I could get a sponsor, call them up when I walk by a group of Girl Scouts hawking cookies.  Confess my weakness for cookies at a support group that promises anonymity.  Engage in other activities to distract me from cookies cravings.  Like blogging about cookies?

I can do this.  In your face elusive handyman!  I am losing 50 lbs., marrying a rich attractive man, and winning the lottery.  I DON’T NEED YOU ANYMORE!!!  Where ever you are…probably out fixing some cookie-deprived-size 5-cat loving-slinky gal’s porch.

 

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